The Delicate Balance Between Nekkid Mudflaps and Porn
Speaking on the subject of mudflaps with shilouettes of naked women on them, I only have one question:What's the point? I was exposed to more than a few of these tasty little treats today on my trip from Minneapolis to Cambridge.
Is the driver of that vehicle an international mudflap model, who gets them from work as a perk? Or maybe the driver is the model's husband or boyfriend, and he's showing off his close association with "Miss Nude Mudflap-2002"? Perhaps the driver just likes nude women. I think that might be the answer. But, doesn't it pretty much go without saying? Unless.... the driver is a gay or bi man in denial! Aha! He wants to prove to the world just how very much he loves naked women, so he slaps a couple of 'em on his mudflaps! But that theory probably covers only a fraction of the nudie-mudflap-vehicle-driver population at best, so the vast majority would have to be straight.
Maybe the driver's figuring that by advertising his love of naked cartoon-shaped women, he'll somehow land himself in a situation where a real life cartoon-shaped naked woman will pull up beside him on the road to tell him how much she admires his mudflaps. And then she'll signal for him to pull over, show him HER favorite naked pose, and then, of course, they'll have hot sweaty monkey love!
It's not unrealistic if you think about it in connection with porn. Sad, but not unrealistic. For instance..let's say an occasional or non porn watcher orders a pizza. The pizza guy knocks at the door, the non watcher pays him, and eats the pizza. Simple!
But through the eyes of a porn fiend, it's oh so different! Mr. Fiend calls and orders a pizza. It's just him and his boner, keepin eachother company on a sultry summer's night.
"Pizza Hut, can I get your phone number, please?"
Mr. Fiend thinks:(she sounds fuckin HOT! and she wants my number)
"What toppings would you like on that?"
Mr. Fiend thinks:(on top of YOU, I want whipped cream, baby!)
"Sounds good. We'll see you within 45 minutes."
Mr. Fiend thinks:(we? she must be bringin her sexy man-friendly girlfriend with her!)
So when Mr. Fiend answers the door, he's shocked out of his skull to see a balding man in his late forties on the other side with a pizza in his hand.
Hot sweaty monkey love was supposed to happen! Bitches. Can't live with 'em so I put 'em on my mudflaps.