Katie (yourhuckleberry) wrote,

Lost In Translation Part One

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about how I have changed in the last few years. I can see where I was back then, and I can see where I am now, but I have difficulty tracing the time in between. Difficulty seeing, in retrospect, the steps I've taken during that part of my journey. I think it's going to be really worthwhile for me to do this, not only so I can have a better understanding, but because, possibly, if I can go back and understand the mental processing that went into such a drastic reformation, maybe I can help someone else. I get immensely frustrated with my lack of ability to help people work through their issues. I know I COULD help, but I don't yet know HOW to help. I'm not talking about being a shoulder to cry on (not my cup of tea) or even about giving good advice, I'm saying I want to learn to show others how to overcome their obstacles.

What is standing in between myself and helping others is (mainly) a translation problem. (From spiritual into mental terms that can then be spoken or otherwise expressed.)

Up until the last 4 years or so, my life has been largely spent ignoring my mind. I used chemicals to shut out nearly every facet of my mind so I felt "okay" with doing the crazy things I did. I didn't WANT to think things through. I didn't CARE to understand the people and events around me, I wanted only to escape. To be numb. To not care. I have many ideas as to WHY I did this- my life not making any rational/mental sense is the biggest one- but the reasons aren't what I want to write about right now.

So, I blocked most of my mental processing, and what that left me with are the realms on either side of the mental realm: Physical (lower) and Spiritual (higher). I based my reality in physical reality, but I was also "spiritual" in many ways- such as (unknowing) meditation, a keen sense of my inner Self, and out of body experiences that I was able to purposely conjure up in order to protect myself. I was spiritually insightful, physically centered, and mentally blank. I have never gotten used to THINKING about anything at all. I spent my life acting and reacting- being bounced around like a pinball, spending all of my effort on basic survival. Thought had little place in life for me, and I never accepted it as "real" or important. What I could intuit, touch, taste, feel, etc. were the only realities I accepted.

I was able to sense or intuit many things when I was very young, but never really thought about it, never fully understood it, because in order to fully understand something, it needs to take up residence in ALL levels of yourself- spiritual, mental, physical. (the primary exception to this being that a spiritual thing doesn't need to "take up residence" in the physical realm, but it will most likely manifest itself in your EXPRESSION, which is often physical, or can at least be easily translated down into the physical world.)
My spiritual realities would fill me with a sense of truth and beauty and excitement, but being utterly unable to translate that higher knowledge into mental understanding, and then express it through my physical/mental self (ego) I was unable to incorporate that wonderful stuff into my life. Unable to KEEP it and make it a part of who I was.

I've come a long way since then, in a relatively short time span. I've suceeded in the practice of mental translation of higher concepts MANY times, but I don't know how I did it. I just understood what I needed to do, and how I needed to think, and suddenly, I HAD it....spiritually AND mentally, together, and now my life (my expression) show this full understanding. (Well.......for the most part, anyway. I slip pretty often, falling back into self-pity, isolation, and anger most often. But many areas of my life have solidified into spiritual understandings and ideals and principles that don't waver or hesitate or change.)

Mental translation of a higher understanding or intuition is important. It is important because we are mental beings as well as spiritual and physical beings. Mental translation of a spiritual concept, understanding, or experience allows us to INTEGRATE that concept, understanding or experience into those realms of us that are not primarily "spiritual." Our literal, physical eye, sitting in our head cannot see a thought. Likewise our thoughts cannot immediately preceive (for example) a meditative experience in which we understand the concept of "god." To allow our physical eye to "see" a thought, we might write it out so it can be read, or build a model of it so that it can be physically appreciated. In order for our minds to contemplate "god," (by the way, I hate the word "god" and Iam trying to find a suitable replacement) "god" must be put into mental terms. The mind does not reach far enough to instantly "get it" when it comes to matters that are primarily intuitive/spiritual in nature.
So the physical eye's nature is physical- it lives in the world of physical things, but it CAN be made to see mental concepts.
The mental "eye's" nature is the realm of concepts, ideas, etc. It can see these things AS WELL AS the physical realm things.
The third "eye" or eye of contemplation/intuition is based in the spiritual realm, and it sees all that is seen in it's realm AND all that is seen by the mental and physical eyes. (Transcend and include.) Since our "Third Eye" is based in the highest realm, there is no limit to what it sees. There is nothing outside of it's scope. The limitation comes only in our DOWNWARD TRANSLATION of the spiritual into mental terms and expressions.
Well, actually, limitations in "seeing" come in from a LOT of places in a lot of ways, but the spiritual to mental translation is what's giving me the most trouble right now.
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